Love you enough to let you go

Can't keep my hands off you at 1:05 AM

Aren't these cookies pretty! Aww, since I'm so damn free for this 2 weeks I might as well grab some spare time to bake hahaha! It's been so long since I last baked, and I remember during school days I could hardly pick a moment which I am available. Now, my break is totally unoccupied because I'm not working so yay! I can bake all I want ♥

Gosh my holidays are as good as none, so boring! I'm staying home most of the time, I think I really have no life :( Find one day I should start reading my book, looks interesting, hehe! But for now, I'm munching tidbits & watching tv all day long, and I'm so bored that I began my maple crazy again LOL what the hell. Stupid big bang patch modified so many things inside & I still can't get used to it! Wandering around like a blind mice, but it's still good in a way because the patch made leveling much easier, woohoo, happy happy. Gonna chiong my character damn hardcore from now onwards, hiak hiak hiak.

It's been days since I held onto this bitterness, and it don't feel good at all. A single lie is enough for me to doubt every word from you, and yet I find myself wanting to believe in you despite all the negative thoughts. Maybe I should just let go & pretend that nothing happened, mm maybe I really should. Sigh, what has gone into me man.

Space out at 9:17 PM

Hate this contradicting feeling. I wish I could ignore, but those words, that I actually believed in, are mocking at my stupidity. I can't help but think too much, can't help but let this stupid issue affect me, and yet also can't hold myself back from the honest answer that sits quietly at the bottom of my heart. I wish I'm as tough as I seem to you. I'm sad, really, and I hope you know, but nah, you're never gonna see this anyway.

Whatever, I'm gonna eat kinder joy, kinder joy makes me happy ^.^

Rolled around in a bed full of tears at 12:42 AM

Any idea where to get this? I'd rather die of happiness overdose than to undergo the pain of being engulfed in fear. You never knew how I felt, from the start, until now, all these while, not even once.

It's nearing the end of the week & it's the last paper for term test tml, woohoo! Had a nice nap when I got home & watched teevee till now hehe, gonna do a quick review of the topics before I go to sleep later. I'm just damn glad that PUO paper is over! *jumps around in joy* It's the worst subject everrrrrrr I swear, physics please just fuck yourself & die.

Tml I'm gonna meet gf for shopping! Yayyyy!

By the way I just cleared my library fines that has been due for at least 2 years I think, LOL. What a waste of my money. But term break is comin & I'm not working either so I guess it's time for me to go get some books to read! So long since I had a quiet moment myself reading, miss those times.

This is more than goodbye at 12:01 AM

Wowww I just did something really unintelligent which was being too curious & got myself pissed off, you happy now? Bet chiu are~ but I still gotta thank you for clearing my guilt, I don't feel that awful anymore after seeing you & your narrow-minded response 'cause it just makes me feel like you totally deserved it. I think there's some issues with your esteem, what makes you think you're definitely the best for me? I agree that you're very caring, but so? Everything else is wrong. And it's kinda funny that you relate everything back to the money thing, it wasn't even the crucial factor that led to this tragedy. How about a hint, remember the first promise? It was broken, and it's not even a once or twice thing. So much for assuring a difference when you're about the same. Think about it man. You just can't accept the fact that we don't match like two odd pieces of jigsaw puzzles. I'm sorry that I couldn't really express myself well in words, but I am sure of what I feel. Thanks for all the crude remarks when you don't even understand the actual meaning behind my thoughts. Seems like the maturity I saw in you was just a disguise, how disappointing. Meeting you was one pathetic disaster.

Term test in 9 hours time omg! And what the hell am I doing? Getting provoked by people that don't matter anymore -.- so lame! How can I let this moronic thing deviate my attention sia, Imma start studying!!

That was then, this is now at 2:11 AM

Wtf I haven't posted for more than a week! My blog's so dusty now :( Anyway, it's a new chapter of my life & it feels great, like I can finally breathe again. Time to seek back my old-self, I'm so sick of how much I've changed. I wasn't like this, was I? I remember myself as another person, someone so different. I want back what I used to be, I ain't letting myself down anymore! Imma be a positive girl hehehe, happygal93@smiles.com. Just let those mistakes fade away, I'm never looking back. All the wrong decisions constitute a lesson learnt.

I watched quite some movies recently! Like Kungfu Panda 2 & Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, woohoo. Kungfu Panda 2 was cute, although I didn't catch the first season. However, Dylan Dog was total shit in my opinion! Out of 10 stars I'd probably just give like maybe 1 'cause there's this retarded guy inside that's damn funny, but the flow of the storyline wasn't smooth at all, it was random like fuck. Half the time I didn't know what was going on (due to the lack of subtitles I think) and I just wished the movie would end asap, lolllllz. I wanna watch X-men: First Class next!

I just met my beloved sissy just now! It's been so long since we met & as usual I miss her damn muchies, had so much to catch up with! ♥ I love meeting her 'cause she eats a lot like meeeee HAHA. It was supposed to be a shopping spree day but nothing caught our eyes, except for this pair of shoes from Vans that's didn't have my size! Godamnit & we still went the extra mile (like literally) to another outlet and then still no have my size, I'm so sad man! But it was still an enjoyable day with my favourite crappy girl!

Oh and I had a paper on marketing today, know what, it's my first time going into the examinations hall with totally NO knowledge of the subject. So what it was open book, it's just chunks of words that I do not understand. I never bother going for the lectures 'cause it was allocated at a stupid timing when I have all reasons to go elsewhere instead, and the only time I went I just slept throughout. I hate business modules! All the theory stuff, eww, I'm so glad I wasn't enrolled in a business course 'cause seriously it's not my kinda thing. Oh well, goodbye to 35% of my grade...

The whole of next week is term test omg!! You know it's actually kinda dumb for me to pay school fees & end up teaching myself new topics because I missed out on too many lectures? Ok not too many in fact it was all HAHA. Aww fuck it mannn gonna start studying already! Can't call it revision when I've never seen those shits before. All the best to myself.

Forcing laughter faking smiles at 9:11 PM

Every night when I come home, I'd pray that you're not having your usual mahjong sessions again, but time & again I was faced with disappointment at the doorstep. I miss the times when I could have all the peace & quietness to myself.

The subjects in this semester are so screwed up man :( I don't get a shit about anything and the worst thing is our godamned term test is just a week after the next! Omgz that's like very very near for someone as unprepared as me. I'm gonna do some last minute hardcore mugging! And we've got a lot of group projects to do this semester, eeks, I hate group work 'cause imma irresponsible freak! HAHA jokinggggg but it kinda feels heavy on the shoulders when you know your efforts are subjected to every single group mate of yours and not just yourself, stressful isn't it...

Recently I watched the movie 'Priest' and it wasn't bad just that the movie was waaay too short & how the invincible bad guy died was just lame. HAHA I wanna watch more movies~!

I'd rather go insane than having you stalk my every thought at 8:10 PM

Why does it feels like so much has happened this week? I guess it's good that I choose not to remember everything, my limited memory capacity is only worthwhile of happy moments, right? ^^..... So on Tuesday I had a yummy dinner at MOS Burger with my braaaaderrrr. As for Wednesday, we had a mini class outing to Tampines Mall for Mcdonald breakfast, arcade & the movie 'Fast & Furious 5'. Fucking awesome movie seriously, it didn't had all that great reviews for nothing! Super duper looking forward to Fast 6 man! Thursday after school our marketing group had our usual meeting & as expected we spent most of the time doing our own stuff HAHA, and then burp, hahalame & I slacked & chat till like 11 plus LOL like talkative only. Friday was prata & happy times at library again, project rooms are the best man!

I feel so hopeless about my studies already, so much that I couldn't be bothered to buck up anymore. I used to worry about my grades, but now, it seems like everything doesn't matter anymore. Everyone's trying so hard, sometimes I don't understand why must I when I know it's not gonna make a difference. I don't want to go for lectures, I don't pay attention in tutorials, and even online assignments I'd simply select random answers & submit it just to get it done with. I really can't catch up anymore. I lost all motivation. Even my pride to do better than others... I've lost it. I've changed so much. I realise I'm wasting a yearly 2.5k of my dad's blood & sweat but I just couldn't pick myself up anymore. Someone give me a hand?

I'm sorry.

Remember to smile at 12:25 AM

Lol, second post of the day. I hate it when I'm feeling like this, where have my peaceful life gone to? It's now in a mess, and I guess this chaos won't go away in a long long time. I am so confused, I wanna cry. Fuck, where has the tough Brenda gone to? But for the sake of everyone, I have to face this myself. I'm not gonna drag any innocent party in, not my friends, not my family. Seriously, just come against me only, I started all these shit, don't use the people around me to hurt me. I'm not talking big here 'cause honestly speaking I am also afraid. But it's a good thing, 'cause I never thought I could be this brave..

For the past months, I have been trying very hard to not let this issue affect me, but this is getting out of control. What the hell do you want? Please stop changing your stand, forgive me or hate me just make up your mind. If your ulterior motive is to wreck my life upside down then congratulations you have fucking made it. Why can't you move on with your life instead of trying to ruin mine? How am I now has nothing to do with you already. Kill me if it makes you feel better, I live to die anyway, I'm waiting. I just wanna get this nonsense over and done with. We're just wasting everybody's time.

I am so tired................

Your voice was all I heard at 3:55 PM

OMG ISN'T THIS ADORABLE! I wanna get a bunny tooooo!

Time pasts really fast, it seemed like only yesterday when school just reopened but it's already the beginning of tests next week. I feel so unprepared man. Anyway this week's awesome 'cause I keep having gongcha's milk green tea!! 8D awesome awesome awesome. Oh & I also caught the movie 'Thor' with badman, it was fantastic! And on Thursday was my first time knowing what the fuck's a prata bomb with lipid, hahalame & burpie... AND I TELL YOU IT'S AMAZING. A sinful treat but it tastes damn good I swear yumyum. Friday I had the worst gastric in my life :( Broke out into cold sweats & I seriously feel like dying. Stupid friday the 13th.

Saturday I finally got to sleep all I want till 3 plus in the afternoon before I prepared & headed down to Elaine's birthday bbq with zhu! My cold sweat thingy still persisted so I didn't had much fun 'cause I was feeling unwell, but I still had a great time ^^ Later didi also came down & we cabbed back together~

It's sundayyyyy which means tml is mondayyyyy = test! Hectic sia, and I thought year 2's schedule gonna be an easy one, pui pui pui, my foot. June break be here quick! I need my pay very badly & I wanna meet my sissy too!

Delicious ambiguity at 9:34 PM

I'm worn out! My eye's swollen, my ear's infected, and the weather these days are sooooooo fucked up! Hot like a never before, feels very much like I'm being baked in the oven seriously... Remember to drink more water people. My gawwddddd windy days please come back I miss you so godamned much!

Recently I'm on this milk green tea craze. Pretty surprising for someone like me who never liked green tea since young, but I can't believe I'm loving them now. And seriously, gongcha has the best milk tea!!! Yumyumyum, been having them nonstop with jk for the past few days, hehe! Today I had so much fun at the arcade, it's been so long.

Ohhhh and I tell you! Blackshot is sucha blood-boiling game. Okay I know it's because I'm a piece of noobshit, but who enjoys losing man? It's so annoying that I keep getting killed! ESPECIALLY SNIPED. I'm extremely against them 'cause I can't snipe lolz. I'm always too slow :( It's just so demoralizing man, I can't even be bothered to buck up my skills already.

I wanna be a hardcore mugger! Give me some motivations plz.

A glimpse of heaven at 11:57 PM

Kinder bueno, mee goreng, pau, caramel pancake, bubble tea, tapioca cakes, fish crackers & cup corn - basically summed up what I have eaten today. I'm like some dinosaur!!! And you know what? I'm still hungry for more right now. My life sucks man, always torn between dieting & my endless cravings for food. :(

Yesterday damn slack know! I can't believe I went school to surf the net for 2 hours & lessons ended. Oh and I missed the last bus & had to cabbed home, gosh I hate how my money flew. As for today, I totally forgotten about the PUO tutorial at 10 & I only fucking woke up at 9.25am... So I told myself I could either spend $5 on a medical cert, or $10 on cab. Of course the first choice seems better right! Like I might see the handsome doctor again & also can skip the entire day of lessons. But in the end I picked none & went to school for the remaining tutorials, ain't I a good kiddo! Hehehe.

Tomorrow is the lamest day ever. I don't know & don't care why there isn't lab tomorrow when we're suppose to have it but it's a good thing 'cause it means no school! But before I could jump around in joy, we're told that we have a bloody briefing from 5-6, wtf? What a nice way to disrupt my free time.

I wanna go shopingggg! And I'm hungry again.........

(Update: I just had another pack of kinder bueno & now I'm having mac's omg like a fattening only. Confirm got some parasite in my stomach or something.)

Baby I can be your superhero at 4:11 PM

Can you believe it? I fucking won the macaron battle! And I was solo ok, unlike my opponent team consisting of 2 members in which one possesses fairly outstanding baking skills. Ok I know from the looks of it there's still lots of room for improvement but heck, you know how many times I had to try in order to reach this standard? SIX!! Damn wtf right, I even stayed up the entire Thursday night trying over & over again but only to produce mutated macarons still. But on Friday night, I finally got some decent-looking macarons. Taste-wise... I don't know HAHA.

Saturday I met gf for shopping spree! Then I went home to change & off I headed to pig's den. Mac's in the middle of the night like a shiok! Camped till Monday, sandwich + veg rice before we met up with wahlao & sunny for sakae sushi, nb I eat like dinosaur plz, dinner was kfc somemore omfg! Then I cab home hehe. Chiong audi all the way till 530am, shag till I fell asleep in the bathroom while preparing for school. Headache max so I stayed home to rest instead.

Afternoon I had to crawl up to get mc from polyclinic, wa I tell you the doctor veh shuai ahhhhhhh but too bad! He's a married man! LOL. Anyway the weather's so dull & windy, perfect for naps man woohoo byebye peepo.

Hi there, I'm kokonut, a girl very doubtful of human nature. I'm an extremely impulsive buyer and my amazing appetite knows no limits (so proud of it). I'm a violent ninja & gets paranoid all the time for nothing. I've got some issues with social awkwardness and sometimes, I'm so blunt it turns people off. I can be really really demanding but I really really don't care, so sorry about that. You have the rights to not accept this shit but too bad it's an essential part of me. Get over it.

Strumming Some Heartstrings